I
was happy to be asked to speak for my friend, Ray Millard at his funeral yesterday. Our
friendship goes back so far that it is lost in my dimming memory. We
knew each other back when we actually
polished our shoes. Things have moved on. My last pair of shoes got thrown out before I
remembered to polish them. I forget details, but I will always remember Ray's last hug.
I
asked Dorothy, to help me out with some specific recollections so I would have a story to tell about Ray. She was
there in Port Elgin when Ray was baptized in Lake Huron. She recalls
how the experience so affected him that he was shining as he came out
of the water. Shining. Dorothy found the right word. I've seen Ray
shining. That shine was always there on his face.
I
expect those who lived with Ray would have seen him tired,
discouraged, sad, angry, but he didn't let things hold him down. He
wouldn't talk about his pain unless you asked. I asked once, and he
said, as I remember, that the pain was a separate
thing from who he was. He turned his attention elsewhere and kept on
shining.
Ray
shone in his singing. Way back when, John Black called up some of his
friends and invited them to form a gospel quartet. John sang bass, I
sang tenor, Don Richardson was in the middle, and Ray sang lead with
his strong, dramatic voice lending conviction to inspiring words. As
I remember, it was Ray who suggested we call ourselves The
Interpreters.
 |
The Interpreters, 1986 Don, Ray, Dennis, John |
We
met weekly for years and sang in church services and other events
once a month. It wasn't all singing. There was a lot of joking and
gab during our rehearsals. We became an extended family, including
spouses, kids and other singers and players. We were a
community of shining friends.
John
arranged a recording session so we would remember the group at our
prime. I'm glad he did. I listened to it again this week. When I say
Ray shone in his singing, maybe some of you remember and would agree
that shone is the right word. We sang and we shone.
We sang:
He Touched me, and made me whole
Something beautiful
I Will Serve Thee because I Love Thee
Steal away to Jesus
We are so blessed
Dozens of songs, still there in memory.
I know the words. I feel my voice reaching up for the tenor part even though there isn't much voice left. I hear us shining together.
Ray
was slow to tell others what he thought or what they should think. He
was rather a mentor. I often found myself the object of his
attention. He would ask questions and listen to the answers like they
mattered to him. Maybe he did that with you too. It was like he
trusted us to think things through and make something out of life
without any hint what that might be except that he cared. He was
always a few steps ahead, encouraging us to take the next step but
leaving the direction up to us.
Of
course Ray wasn't alone in this. Ray and Nan were a team, conspiring
to get us to be our best selves. And not just us. They engaged with
waiters, cashier clerks, everybody.
In
later years, when we were retired from singing, Dorothy and I met
with Nan and Ray once a month for lunch; well, actually, for conversation with
a side order of lunch. Dorothy recalls their story of canoeing in
Algonquin Park, a holiday gift from the family. I imagine Ray shining
as he risked getting his old bones into a tippy canoe to spend time
with his lady in the wilderness on the water. He was at home in the wilderness. He knew he was so
blessed.
How
fortunate we are to have such friends as mentors, helping us grow out
of self-absorption and obsession with suffering into compassion for
others. I haven't forgotten the words or the music. There is a groove
in my fading memory where Ray is still singing the lead with passion
and conviction at a tempo that calms the pulse and makes us shine.
"We are so blessed by the gifts from your hand.
I just can't understand why you loved us so much.
We are so blessed, I just can't find a way,
or the words that can say,
'Thank you lord for your touch.'
When we're empty you fill us till we overflow.
When we're hungry you feed us and cause us to know we are so blessed.
Take what we have to bring,
take it all, everything.
For we love you so much." (Gaither Vocal Band)We
are so blessed to have shared time and space with Ray. He generously
passed on his best to us. He did that intentionally. We can do that
too. Personally, I am inclined to dwell on bad news, inflation, the
pandemic, partisan politics, war, famine, drought, floods, the world
falling apart. We should be aware of all of that so we do what we can
to make things better; but then we can set it aside to pay attention to what
is probably the most beautiful planet in the universe and the amazing
creatures and friends with whom we share it.
We
can share the joy. Ray and Nan, conspirators in joy, had the habit of
saying goodbye with a hug, so you know you are thoroughly loved, and
go home shining.
Thank
you lord
that you touched Ray,
and
that he touches us.
In the name of Jesus, mentor of mentors,
Amen.