In Appreciation

 I was happy to be asked to speak for my friend, Ray Millard at his funeral yesterday. Our friendship goes back so far that it is lost in my dimming memory. We knew each other back when we actually polished our shoes. Things have moved on. My last pair of shoes got thrown out before I remembered to polish them. I forget details, but I will always remember Ray's last hug.

I asked Dorothy, to help me out with some specific recollections so I would have a story to tell about Ray. She was there in Port Elgin when Ray was baptized in Lake Huron. She recalls how the experience so affected him that he was shining as he came out of the water. Shining. Dorothy found the right word. I've seen Ray shining. That shine was always there on his face.

I expect those who lived with Ray would have seen him tired, discouraged, sad, angry, but he didn't let things hold him down. He wouldn't talk about his pain unless you asked. I asked once, and he said, as I remember, that the pain was a separate thing from who he was. He turned his attention elsewhere and kept on shining.

Ray shone in his singing. Way back when, John Black called up some of his friends and invited them to form a gospel quartet. John sang bass, I sang tenor, Don Richardson was in the middle, and Ray sang lead with his strong, dramatic voice lending conviction to inspiring words. As I remember, it was Ray who suggested we call ourselves The Interpreters.

The Interpreters, 1986
Don, Ray, Dennis, John

We met weekly for years and sang in church services and other events once a month. It wasn't all singing. There was a lot of joking and gab during our rehearsals. We became an extended family, including spouses, kids and other singers and players. We were a community of shining friends.

John arranged a recording session so we would remember the group at our prime. I'm glad he did. I listened to it again this week. When I say Ray shone in his singing, maybe some of you remember and would agree that shone is the right word. We sang and we shone.

We sang:
He Touched me, and made me whole
Something beautiful
I Will Serve Thee because I Love Thee
Steal away to Jesus
We are so blessed
Dozens of songs, still there in memory.
I know the words. I feel my voice reaching up for the tenor part even though there isn't much voice left. I hear us shining together.

Ray was slow to tell others what he thought or what they should think. He was rather a mentor. I often found myself the object of his attention. He would ask questions and listen to the answers like they mattered to him. Maybe he did that with you too. It was like he trusted us to think things through and make something out of life without any hint what that might be except that he cared. He was always a few steps ahead, encouraging us to take the next step but leaving the direction up to us.

Of course Ray wasn't alone in this. Ray and Nan were a team, conspiring to get us to be our best selves. And not just us. They engaged with waiters, cashier clerks, everybody.

In later years, when we were retired from singing, Dorothy and I met with Nan and Ray once a month for lunch; well, actually, for conversation with a side order of lunch. Dorothy recalls their story of canoeing in Algonquin Park, a holiday gift from the family. I imagine Ray shining as he risked getting his old bones into a tippy canoe to spend time with his lady in the wilderness on the water. He was at home in the wilderness. He knew he was so blessed.

How fortunate we are to have such friends as mentors, helping us grow out of self-absorption and obsession with suffering into compassion for others. I haven't forgotten the words or the music. There is a groove in my fading memory where Ray is still singing the lead with passion and conviction at a tempo that calms the pulse and makes us shine.

"We are so blessed by the gifts from your hand.
I just can't understand why you loved us so much.
We are so blessed, I just can't find a way,
or the words that can say,
'Thank you lord for your touch.'
When we're empty you fill us till we overflow.
When we're hungry you feed us and cause us to know we are so blessed.
Take what we have to bring,
take it all, everything.
For we love you so much." (Gaither Vocal Band)

We are so blessed to have shared time and space with Ray. He generously passed on his best to us. He did that intentionally. We can do that too. Personally, I am inclined to dwell on bad news, inflation, the pandemic, partisan politics, war, famine, drought, floods, the world falling apart. We should be aware of all of that so we do what we can to make things better; but then we can set it aside to pay attention to what is probably the most beautiful planet in the universe and the amazing creatures and friends with whom we share it.

We can share the joy. Ray and Nan, conspirators in joy, had the habit of saying goodbye with a hug, so you know you are thoroughly loved, and go home shining.

Thank you lord
that you touched Ray, 
and that he touches us.
In the name of Jesus, mentor of mentors,
Amen.